Ever Been A Mortified Mommy?

15 comments

Continuing the tales of life with twin boys who are now ten but, once upon a time, were two…

Life with two small boys is interesting.

Gone are the days when I put on my high heels, negotiated multi-million dollar software contracts and ate in restaurants that were simply too precious.

Now I’m more likely to be choosing between different pairs of tennis shoes, negotiating the order and duration of play for the latest boy-toy and encouraging my non-eaters to eat by dipping fish sticks in tomato ketchup.

Yes, it’s different alright – and don’t even get me started on that knotty little perennial problem – just how do I get to look good in the early morning Christmas video?

When Mollie Stones grocery store opened locally, I was so excited.

They had a Mollieland! And a Starbucks!

The prospect of shopping for groceries all by myself was positively alluring in a way that only Mothers Of Multiples (MOMs) can appreciate.

I only had to wait a few months until the boys were 2. The week after their second birthday, I was there filling in the forms and they did well.

They lasted a grande mocha.

All went well, until one visit when, on my return to pick them up, I was informed that one of them had thrown a table at another child (she was a quiet, pretty little thing with blond curls, of course.)

He was banned.

For a whole month.

He is now known by the staff there as “The Banned One”. Good grief; he wasn’t even three.

(Note: For your those of you locally, as reported by another member of my mothers club, be prepared on your first visit to said Mollieland to be regaled with the legend of  “The Banned One” as it seems to have passed into their folklore as an example of behavior they will not tolerate and delight in telling you the punishment ensuing should your child digress from the expected norms. Just think: you know someone (somewhat) famous…then take a moment to think how I feel  ; ))

So I’m too frightened to go to Mollie Stones anymore.

I’m too frightened to go to Safeway too.

I noticed, when I parked in a space one day, that I was next to a gleaming, new Jaguar.

Not so smart, I thought, but rationalized that it was close to the entrance so it was worth the risk to not have to negotiate two two-year olds through a busy parking lot – a death-defying feat if ever there was one.

But you’d have thought I’d learned to spot impending disasters by now.

On our return, the boys bolted out of the cart and raced to see who could get in their seat first.

I heard a bang, then a simultaneous yell from the people who owned the car (hereafter known as “The Jaguar Couple”) who just happened to be returning with their shopping.

At the very same time.

Picture this – me standing in the parking lot (remember we were right by the entrance – everyone was looking,) wishing I could crawl under the car while The Jaguar Couple argued bitterly between themselves over whether they should make me pay for the repairs.

Simultaneously, adding to my sensory overload and complete embarrassment, my three-year-old son is  looking, well, as innocent as a three-year-old typically does in these circumstances and who then tops it all off by saying very solemnly and extremely loudly “they’re not nice people, mommy; they’re not nice people, mommy” over and over and over again.

Ah, it was grand.

Find out how I learned the extent of their vocabulary and what they thought of their gymnastics lessons in the last part of this series.

Have you had any embarrassing moments with your kids? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments!

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Gary Jordon December 11, 2010 at 7:03 pm

All I can say is wow!! While i’m not going to give the boys too hard a time on the Jaguar simply because I don’t get the need or whatever to show off like that.

What is a Mollieland???? Never heard of it. But from your description I don’t like it already. Sounds like some horrible boot camp for toddlers. I’ll have to remember about if i ever find my soul-mate and we have kids.

Well have a good day non the less.

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Alison Golden December 14, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Hi Gary:

Mollieland is a child’s play area in the grocery store where you can leave your kids while you shop. I liked to have a coffee instead/as well as shop. Gave me a short break.

And for the most part they were little devils masquerading as boys 🙂 but now I think they’re teenagers masquerading as 5th graders. Sure seems like it when I look at their holiday wish lists.

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Gary Jordon December 14, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Oh I’m sure they are masquerading as 5th graders. Look at all the role models on the tube and the silver screen. Oh lets not forget that most kids(or adults) have to do whatever the herd is doing or buying.

I say start by destroying any tvs in the house. Then try to help them understand that just because the other kids will get or do something that doesn’t mean they should. You can always ask the question about would they jump of a cliff if everybody else was.

Take or leave the above suggestion as I was an outcast as a kid so the peer pressure thing was completely alien to me.
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Karen Howes September 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm

I remember Mollieland!! And I remember mortification . . . (with my twin boys, not with yours 🙂 ) Karen xx

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Alison Golden September 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Yes, there we were huddled over our coffees. Fun times!
🙂

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Marivic September 10, 2011 at 12:38 am

Having such wonderful memory with your twins surely am a fun thing to remember. And they will love to know the tale of the “Banned One” and pass it to the next one.

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johanne September 28, 2011 at 10:17 am

It seems to have passed into their folklore as an example of behavior they will not tolerate and delight in telling you the punishment ensuing should your child digress from the expected norms. Just think: | 😛
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naruto0506 October 7, 2011 at 2:30 am

Then try to help them understand that just because the other kids will get or do something that doesn’t mean they should. You can always ask the question about would they jump of a cliff if everybody else was. | : P
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jellyace5 October 14, 2011 at 5:34 am

Great mom! You did everything to make your family more secure and safe.
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Sadista October 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

I don’t like it already. Sounds like some horrible boot camp for toddlers. I’ll have to remember about if i ever find my soul-mate and we have kids.
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reelsteel06 October 18, 2011 at 8:43 am

Folklore as an example of behavior they will not tolerate and delight in telling you the punishment ensuing should your child digress from the expected norms. Just think: | 😛
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Harieth October 19, 2011 at 12:57 am

what an experience you had, we can’t really avoid to happen situations like that.
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diamond56 October 24, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Hello Alison Golden, I’m happy that you inspired us as a fantastic woman to your children. Thanks a lot.
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darknight0506 November 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm

I don’t like it already. Sounds like some horrible boot camp for toddlers. I’ll have to remember about if i ever find my soul-mate and we have kids. | 😛
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Kaz November 24, 2011 at 4:42 am

not a mom yet but my boyfriend wants us to have a baby, so i must be prepared for this kind of journey. lol
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