8 Reasons I’m A Terrible Mommy

10 comments

When I read the other day that mommy bloggers were being accused of child neglect, I had to laugh.

Working mothers, distracted mothers, just plain old mothers – we’re simply Public Enemy No. 1, aren’t we?

Not only do we have to birth the future of the entire species but we have to do nasty, dirty work, risking life and limb for no pay and no thanks.

And now we have to take public censure and criticism.

From the people we’ve given life to. Collectively, you understand.

Where’s the justice?

Such is the life of a superhero. I believe Superman had it the same.

Except the birthing bit.

Sigh.

So before anyone comes after me telling me what an unworthy mother I am, I thought I would toss in a pre-emptive strike.

Here are eight reasons I am a bad mother.

I’m sure I could come up with twice as many but then I’d not be paying attention to my children would I?

8 Reasons I’m A Bad Mother

1. I let my kids eat peanut butter icecream for breakfast. I figure I’m hitting at least two food groups.

2. I let them watch music videos without watching them first. Even after I learned about Katy Perry.

3. I let them watch Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares even though he’s swearing so much the poor bleeper person can’t keep up.

4. Sometimes I pray they come home with no homework so I can stick them on the computer.

5.  I buy Hanes underpants when they prefer Cherokee. According to my husband, this is very, very bad. Underpants are everything to a boy apparently.

6. I tell them to eat their lunch at the table. Then I sit on the sofa to eat mine.

7. I swear when they’re not out of earshot.

8. I mix up their names. After ten years. And don’t even notice.

I’m such a terrible mommy, I should be featured in the Wall Street Journal.

So there you have it. Can you do better than that? Am I a very, very dastardly mother? Or are you worse? Let me know in the comments, I dare ya!

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I am participating in a Blog Every Day For 30 Days Challenge advocated by Chris Brogan. I am doing this with the lovely Mary Ulrich who writes for Parents and Caregivers of Adults with Disabilities at Climbing Every Mountain. Check her out!

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy October 6, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Love it. And you’re so right, mothers are simply Public Enemy No. 1 and have been since probably forever. Sigh…

Thanks for the chuckles, and btw, I happen to know what an awesome Warrior Mommy (sorry, Mummy) you are. 🙂

Reply

Alison Golden October 7, 2010 at 7:39 am

Hey Amy!
I don’t know that it will ever change. But we will continue to fight the good fight just like the Warrior Women before us. Glad it made you smile. That is my aim. 🙂

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Mary E. Ulrich
Twitter:
October 7, 2010 at 7:40 am

Very funny Alison. I’m trying to think of more things I have done and it makes me laugh. I’ve takien dirty shirts out of the laundry and had the kids wear them a second time. I’ve taken the kids out to a restaurant when there was plenty of food in the refridge or my meatloaf turned into brickloaf.

ps. YOU ARE A GREAT MOM. Enjoy it. The kids will grow up so fast.
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Alison Golden October 7, 2010 at 8:48 am

Glad to see I’m not the only one who does the wearing of clothes a second time thing. I also took my kids out last night when I had a perfectly good meal arranged but just couldn’t bear the thought of cooking it. Cooking – not my favorite activity. 🙁

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CathyP
Twitter:
October 7, 2010 at 11:53 am

Oh I’m with you on the praying for no homework. The day is too long and last thing we need is homework (or prep as he calls it – what can you say – english schools lol!!). At least you can get yours to wear the wrong underwear – I have the most stubborn young person you could ever meet – and consequently a drawer full of unworn clothes!!
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Alison Golden October 8, 2010 at 7:11 am

I like the term ‘prep,’ reminds me of the Enid Blyton books and all. 🙂 Never made sense to me as a term though. I mean, what are they preparing for exactly? And yes, agree with you. I am lucky. I don’t have fussy dressers – T shirts/short/pants (trousers) will do it. Just the underpant thing gets a bit tricky sometimes.

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Minnesota Mamaleh October 8, 2010 at 8:47 am

lol alison so-very-true! sometimes we’re our own worst enemies, and sometimes not so much! i wonder which is worse? for the record, i’ve totally done the ice cream for breakfast bit. i didn’t, however, think to make it peanut butter. think of the protein! you’ve got one up on me there, lady! 🙂
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Alison Golden October 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Ah yes, and there’s antioxidants in strawberry icecream. So there is. 🙂

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Amber Seymore
Twitter:
December 19, 2011 at 9:06 am

I am with you on the no homework – bring out the video games, turn on the TV.
Sitting on the sofa – yep, I am a sinner too.
Great list – thanks for the laughs!!
Amber
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Alison Golden December 31, 2011 at 2:36 pm

You’re very welcome Amber. I did the sofa thing earlier 😉

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