3 Things I Never Told You: A Letter To My Kids

31 comments

Dear Boys,

I see you every day.

I talk to you every day.

I tell you to get up, go to sleep, eat your greens. I tell you to sit down, clean your teeth and brush your hair.

But there are some things I’ve never told you. Some things I didn’t realize myself until recently. And they aren’t things we talk about every day. So I’ve written them here.

For you.


1.     I started making decisions about your lives’ years before your birth.

Boyfriends I dumped because they weren’t good father material (even if they were fun,) men I never even went out with because it was clear from the start it wouldn’t work, jobs I took to ensure I could stay home later, books I read and activities I undertook to understand myself and what I wanted from life.

All these decisions had a massive, direct impact on your coming to existence and what your lives’ are like today.

Mothers just do these things.

 

2.     I wasn’t sure I wanted children…until I wanted children.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to pass on my struggles, my neuroses, my genes. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be tied down, committed, my options limited.

And then one day, I realized that was exactly what I wanted because there’s freedom in commitment, a freedom to explore intimately within the confines, that intimacy enabled by the very state of the confinement.

And I came to realize my struggles weren’t so bad, pretty normal in fact, and I overcame them.

And the overcoming was a gift. To pass on. To you.

 

3. I wasn’t sure I’d like being a parent.

Before I had you, the most I’d stuck with anything was about 18 months. Then I’d hove to and change – a job, a relationship, my location.

I wondered if the same would be true of parenting. Would I be screaming for release before two years was up?

Yet here I am eleven years later, still plugging away, still reminding you to clean your rooms, your teeth, your bottoms.

So what gives?

Well, I couldn’t give you back. I had no choice.

Oh, there were times when I wanted to, there were times when I did scream for release but they were just moments, seconds. Occasionally a few minutes on a very bad day.

And then it was over, and everyone calm again.

And you’d change. Develop. There were new challenges, new problems to solve, new achievements to celebrate.

I like being a parent.

At my core. It is who I am. It’s not a choice, it just is.

My love for you is unwavering.

And it’s great. And solid.

Some things will not change. Not ever.

That is one of them.

All my love, Mummy

 

What have you never told your kids? Let me know in the comments!

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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

I Thought I Knew Mama
Twitter:
February 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Awww… I really like this! Especially #1. I can really relate to that one. 😉
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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I never realized it until they were about two that I had been making those decisions back then before my thoughts, mind, dreams were fully formed.

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Jenn
Twitter:
February 8, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Awww, this is beautiful 🙂
And I’m totally with you on #1
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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Thank you! Setting things up just so is so important, don’t you think?

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Desiree February 8, 2011 at 6:55 pm

So so so so true on so so so so many levels. Good read. 😉
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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Thank you for stopping by Desiree. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.

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shelley
Twitter:
February 8, 2011 at 7:07 pm

great post! i’m passing it on to my daughter! 🙂 so glad you are taking the 31 day challenge with me. have a great night and see you in the am!
*waving,
shelley 🙂 “the hostess”
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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Thank you for all your hard work, Shelley! Awesome job! I wonder what your daughter will say…? 🙂

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Mary E. Ulrich
Twitter:
February 8, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Alison, this is beautiful–plus your boys are beautiful. Did you read this to them? Wondering what they said.

You are on a roll Warrior Woman!
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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Thank you, Mary. No I haven’t shown it to them. I think Sebastian read part of it over my shoulder this morning but hasn’t commented. I will have them read it – they request to read something from my blog as a treat sometimes. We’ll have a discussion about what it means and they will file it away…;-)

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Mary E. Ulrich
Twitter:
February 16, 2011 at 6:25 am

Let us know what the boys say. This really has some profound thoughts.
Mary E. Ulrich recently posted..Language of the Heart Heartaches and HeartsongsMy Profile

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Lotus Blu Mama February 8, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Great post! I just found you on Mommy Bloggers, glad I did 🙂

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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Hi there:

Thank you for stopping by. Mommy Bloggers is a good place to go for new bloggers. I’ve made some good online friends from there. Great that we found each other.

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Lisa D Liguori
Twitter:
February 8, 2011 at 8:18 pm

You did it again. Tears in my eyes as I read this.
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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Awww, tears are good. Words never written and all that 🙂

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Homschlr4ever February 9, 2011 at 9:26 am

I don’t think there is anything that at this point I haven’t told the girls. I did keep a written “letter” as they were growing. They both read it. They weren’t impressed. They’re such smartalecks. I also keep a journal of thankfulness and accomplishments, for me and for them. That doesn’t impress them either. M.A.S.H., Dr. Who, You tube videos, that impresses them so finally I said, “okay, you all are getting put on my blog and I don’t have to sweet and nice, just honest. so.., so.., there.” They still weren’t and aren’t impressed. I’ve even called the older one a ditsy blond. They don’t care. I’ll tell you what. When they have children, I’m buying the biggest, most noisest, most annoying toy that I can find “from Gammy.”
I love the blog, just don’t expect the boys to go gaga when they finally read it unless boys are different than girls or maybe it’s just teenagers. Who knows?
Homschlr4ever recently posted..You are CrazyMy Profile

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Alison Golden February 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Oh, I don’t know that I’ll show them, they often read over my shoulder so I guess that’s how they’ll find out. They’re pretty thoughtful and aren’t yet snarky enough to blow me off. They’ll take it to heart and ruminate on it. If I do show them, I won’t wait too long. I can just imagine what their reaction will be in a couple of years 🙂 Thanks for commenting! 😉

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Glynis Jolly
Twitter:
February 10, 2011 at 5:02 am

What a beautiful letter, Alison! And your boys are adorable. 😀

Both of my kids are grown. I seems like only a few months ago that they were eleven years old.
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Alison Golden February 11, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Thank you for the compliment! This picture is one I found recently on my computer. Takes me back to those preschool days. Awwww….I try and enjoy every day, well, every week, ‘cuz I know it will be gone and not come back. Thanks for commenting!

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Dawn February 10, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Hi Alison, Dawn from the 31DBBB Challenge…I really like your blog style and I LOVE the fact you call yourself a warrior woman! Even that inspired me before I read this post. I know a Mom whose kids are grown now, but she told me she would hand write a letter to them every year for their birthday. I always thought I am going to do that with my children (now 5 & 2 years) and your post today reminded me of that. I’m a single mom and even though more times than I can count I feel so overwhelmed and question my mothering skills I wouldn’t change it…any of it…actually..being a single parent, but most of all being a MOM! Thank you for your words today!
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Alison Golden February 11, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Thank you, Dawn. I’m glad you were inspired. I question my mothering skills ALL the time. Contrary to the evidence of this post, I am not the mushy, gentle nurturing mother at all. More a tough love, let’s-build-some-character-here kind of a mom, so this is a bit of a departure for me.

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Andrea February 11, 2011 at 3:56 am

That’s a very personal list. Thanks for sharing and I’m sure your kids will appreciate reading it when they get older.
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Alison Golden February 11, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Thanks for stopping by, Andrea.

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Beth
Twitter:
February 11, 2011 at 7:11 am

Alison,

This brought tears to my eyes. So sweet, so genuine. When your boys are old enough to appreciate what you’ve written, they will cherish this.

Beth
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Alison Golden February 11, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Awww, thank you Beth. An unexpected side benefit of having a blog that I hadn’t anticipated when I started it is the recording of history for the future. Take care!

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Jack
Twitter:
February 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I can relate to number one. I got rid of girlfriends who didn’t fit the mental checklist for similar and different reasons.

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Alison Golden February 11, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Those checklists are very important, don’t you think Jack? I found it so, too. Although I was accused of being unromantic…:-/

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Emily faliLV
Twitter:
February 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I love love love this! So true. Thank you for sharing it – I am stopping by from SitsGirls and wanted to let you know I will be linking to this post in my Day 7 task – Link Posts

When I finish writing it – you can find it here
http://www.familylifeinlv.com/2011/02/link-post.html

Oh, and I enjoyed this so much I now follow you on FB, Twitter, and RSS – (But in a non-crazy kinda way!! LOL It always sounds so stalkerish to say thinks like that!)
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Alison Golden February 15, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Thanks, Emily. I’m glad you enjoyed it. And happy to connect with you. Looking forward to the rest of the challenge. 🙂

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