11 Things That Drive Me Nuckin’ Futz


I am a very easy-going sort of person.

Flexible, adaptable. Extremes of emotional range are uncommon for me.

I’m pretty patient and relaxed.

I like to help people.

I am also not spontaneous and anything I do or say has probably been reflected upon, drafted in my head, edited, then edited some more before I act.

‘Be gracious’ is one of my mantras, and even when I’m upset, I try to take the high road.

But sometimes, people do things that make me want to incite acts of violence.

The painful, bloody kind.

It takes a lot to offend me. I’m big on choosing my battles and let a lot (some would say too much) go.

Someone usually has to push my buttons repeatedly for me to believe they really are prone to that behavior and it wasn’t just a one-off.

And then again, some behaviors are just so egregious, once is quite enough.

In the days when I wrote holiday cards, the following behaviors would get you struck off my list. If it carried on, I would say something.

Nowadays, well, I just unfriend you Facebook. 🙂

I do so hope, dear reader, that you do none of these. (Many involve cars and the lack of wise use thereof…)

11 Things That Drive me Nucking Futz!

1. Parking in handicapped spaces when you’re not. Handicapped, that is. There are no excuses. I don’t care if the space sits empty 90% of the time. Why do you think the rules don’t apply to you?

2.    Texting, putting on makeup or other business that causes you to be monumentally distracted while driving. I would happily revoke licenses for life for these people if I had the power.

3.    Abandoning your car at the curb at school pickup time. This thoughtless, insensitive act can snarl up traffic and otherwise placid minds all around town. Don’t do it.

4.    Speeding in the parking lot especially around playgrounds, soccer fields and schools. You might be late, little Johnny might be making you crazy. It doesn’t matter. There are lots of people with big cars and little people in a small space. Slow down!

5. Obnoxious, mouthy children. I was brought up in an age and a family where children didn’t question or talk back to adults. Ever. Times are a-different and, my hands are up, my own children have their moments but ‘it’s my house, my rules, sonny, and you talk to me like that, you’re not invited back.’

6. Playing the victim on lifetime TV. We all act the victim from time to time. It’s allowed, often justified, even productive. For a short period. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about those people who want to be seen as hard done by all the time. These people seem to think I should feel sorry for them and then get affronted when I point out that just a minor change in their action or thinking would make their life a lot easier. Then, somehow, I’m the bad guy. Complain all you want, just not to me. I have better things to do with my life.

7. Parents who keep their children dependent either by being needy or being their indulgent friend. Let them go, kick them out if necessary, and allow them to grow up to be mature, independent adults who owe you nothing and don’t form the basis of your social life. (This one could also be called ‘Parents who let their neuroses harm their childrens’ lives.)

8. Drive-by drop-offs. You know what I mean – the car barely stops moving before the child falls out onto the sidewalk and the car zooms off again. The child is left to make his own way to your door as you host the party, the playdate. By your thankless self.

9. Not taking ‘no’ for an answer. I dislike saying ‘no’ as much as the next person. It’s hard. So when I say it, I mean it. Accept it. First time. And stop fighting me.

10. Complaining after someone has done a favor. It’s ungrateful. And ungracious. Step up or step away.

11. Not respecting my boundaries and values. Like I wrote earlier, I am not spontaneous. Nor do I say things for fun. If I say 5:30pm, I mean 5:30pm. If I say no dessert, I mean no dessert. If I say he’s never been to McDonalds, don’t take him to Burger King. Twice.

What drives you nuckin’ futz? Any of these? Let me know in the comments!

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary E. Ulrich
February 16, 2011 at 6:23 am

Love all your points–especially, “Victim on Lifetime TV.”

About the handicapped parking places. We just visited Myrtle Beach, SC. All the snowbirds were there and I swear, the whole friggin’ population had handicapped parking stickers. I mean 50 parking places wouldn’t be enough. Now, if only there was “Universal Design” then the whole place would be accessible and no one would even need designated parking. Everyone would get their needs met and wouldn’t get their doors pinged.
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Alison Golden February 16, 2011 at 9:08 am

Hi Mary!

My kids have pinged doors before now (much to my embarrassment) and I’ve often wished for toddler spaces like handicapped ones that are wider. Wider spaces all round would be very nice.

And yes, victim on lifetime TV – you are definitely *not* one of those, Mary 😉 Have a great day!


Glynis Jolly
February 16, 2011 at 12:10 pm

I think you hit all my favorites. For some reason #7 really gets to me. I keep on wondering if the kids today will ever grow up.


Alison Golden February 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I still have hope for my kids, Glynis, but even I have noticed that after a while the work of a lemonade stand doesn’t justify what they can gain from it. They simply aren’t hungry enough. I’m all for allowances, entrepreneurship and then pulling the rug out from underneath. My kids tell me I’m like the worst kind of PE teacher! I call it tough love 🙂 Don’t kids have Saturday jobs anymore? Or is that an English thing? (Which may not happen there any longer.)


SuzRocks February 16, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I too get annoyed by a lot of driving habits- but usually it’s because people are going to slow…although parking lots are NOT the place to go fast.

I’d say on your list- the ones that resonate the most with me are regarding kids. I just can NOT believe what I see/hear kids say and do to their parents while I’m in public. If I tried to get away with that when I was younger, I’d be in a heap of trouble. It’s like they have no respect.

Parents are just ruining their kids now a days (over generalizing statement here) by indulging their every whim and need.
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Alison Golden February 16, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Even in Flint, Suz? 😉


homschlr4ever February 16, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Okay, it sounds like you had a bad day with a mom, her kids and a car. Or like park day for homeschoolers here in VA. It’s fun for the kids but would drive me crazy. The “my kids are special and perfect” moms. The “my life always sucks” moms. The “my kid is worse than yours” – yes there are those moms. Kids running around that are polite (good) but kids running around interrupting, yelling, screaming when they wanted something, demanding attention. The girls even hated going.
I will say for handicapped – be careful, I have a handicapped sticker and I don’t look handicapped and people have said things to me. I have no knee on the R side and the L is mangled but I can walk short distances. If I’m having a good day, I’ll try and use another parking place but if I’m in a lot of pain, I’ll use the handicapped slots. It just depends.
Susan http://www.swimbeauswim.blogspot.com


Alison Golden February 16, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Oh no, Susan. I’m not talking about the people who don’t look handicapped but have a badge – I would never presume anything other than legitimacy there. I’m talking about the people who are *not* handicapped, nor do they have a badge, but they still think they have the right to use the handicapped space because no-one else is. Unbelievable.

I am familiar with the homeschool park days. I was one of those ‘my kid is worse than yours’ moms for a while but now he’s not so I’m out of a job there. My son didn’t want to go to those park days either and secretly, I was glad.


homschlr4ever February 16, 2011 at 4:30 pm

guess what? I just got the Nuckin Futz – okay that’s funny. Can I use that, (I’ll give you credit)? Simple but apt!!


Alison Golden February 16, 2011 at 4:41 pm

LOL! Sure you can use it and by all means give me credit although I stole it from someone else, I have no idea who. 😉


February 16, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I’m right there with you when it comes to not taking no for an answer. I’ve always had trouble saying no to people, but I’ve learned to stand up for myself and now it absolutely drives me crazy when people don’t respect that!
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Alison Golden February 16, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Yes Laura, I agree. It’s one thing to be constantly pushed by a child (bad enough.) But quite another when it’s an adult. I hate being snarky but sometimes I just want to tell them “what part of ‘no’ do you not understand?” KWIM?


misty February 17, 2011 at 6:16 am

Absolutely fantastic post… I am not perfect but man, sometimes I observe the rude and tactless behaviors of some people and can not comprehend where they learned such traits…
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Alison Golden February 17, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Hey there, Misty,

Thanks for coming back. It is amazing isn’t it…?


Mamaof2 February 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Funny stuff – my personal FAVS….8,9, & 11
Well said – i will be back. Mamaof2
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Alison Golden February 17, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Hi there!
Thank you for stopping by! Hope to see you again 🙂


February 17, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Things that drive me nuckin futz. People who don’t know how to use the English language. Example:

“Where you at?”

Perfect parents with perfect children who seem to know how to parent your children and want to tell how. That REALLY drives me futz!

There are more, but these come to mind. Funny post, Alison!
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Alison Golden February 17, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Hi Beth!

Oh yes, perfect parents. Perfect children (what are they, pray?) What I really object to though are the parents who *think* their children are perfect and who give you parenting advice and yet you know the children are, in fact, outrageously out of control.


Tia February 18, 2011 at 12:51 pm

You know what used to drive me bonkers? When people would take an hour and a half to pick up their kid from day care and instead parking courteously, they would use the quick pick-up area. So those of us who did usually run in and run out within 3 minutes got stuck parking far away. So rude!
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Alison Golden February 19, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Hi Tia! I can imagine that one. It’s pretty incredible what having cars seems to do to our manners…or is it the other way round….?


Galit Breen
February 19, 2011 at 4:40 am

EXCELLENT list Allison! I won’t ever get in your way; promise! The abandoned car at school-drop off- yeah. That one gets me, too!

BTW, I love how open and honest you are about your planned out words and actions. I do much better when I have a chance to do so!


Alison Golden February 19, 2011 at 11:20 am

Oh yes, Galit. I have ten times the number of conversations in my head as I do out loud. Things go so much better in there 🙂


Katherine February 21, 2011 at 11:34 am

#2 is my personal favorite. I always wonder if cops see as many people multi-tasking (terribly) while driving. This drives me absolutely insane as they swerve into my lane and then back out while never even acknowledging they almost killed me. Love this post!
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Alison Golden February 21, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Hi Katherine:

I know I’ve had my challenges in the past with screaming kids whacking each other with plastic hammers – I also had one boy wriggle out of his car seat at 10 months and start climbing around the car while I was on the freeway and another time when he managed to open the car door and tell me, in two year old language, that the wind was ruffling his hair, but when adults deliberately do this kind of thing, it beggars belief. I saw someone driving along putting on her mascara as she did so recently, one hand on the wheel, the other manipulating her wand, her eye practically stuck to the rear view mirror. Unbelievable.


Trey Crowe February 26, 2011 at 7:39 pm

You hit the nail on the head with all of those. Funny how almost half of them involve driving faux pas. For some reason, people at my local grocery store insist on parking in the section that has all the diagonal lines that isn’t actually a spot.

want these so bad.


Alison Golden February 27, 2011 at 10:26 pm

I want those cards too. In fact, I might hop over to Vista Print right about now…

Thanks for stopping by, Trey.


Lisa Taylor May 17, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Agree with every one! I found you on blogfrog and love your blog’s name. I’m following now. Your brand of sarcastic wit is my kinda humor 🙂


Alison Golden May 17, 2011 at 10:31 pm

You know what’s interesting about this list, Lisa? Almost no shares on Facebook. Very unusual. I suspect that’s because we all have people who do these things on our friends lists…:-)


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