10 Questions I’ll Bet Justin Bieber’s Mom Never Had To Ask


But then again, never say never!

Some posts take me literally five hours to craft. Some take five minutes. This is one of the latter.

Can’t imagine why…


10 Questions Parents Hope To Never, Ever Ask Their Teenage Boys

1.  Did you use your brothers’ toothbrush to clean the toilet before or after he’d used it?

2. You TP’d whose house?

3. Why is there a patrol car in our driveway?

4. Are you sure Lipstick Bail Bonds are reputable?

5. Is that the entirety of the Golden Gate Bridge I can see through the hole in your ear?

6. What is that tattoo on your neck of, exactly?

7. How hungry are you? Half a cow or half a sheep?

8. Does it hurt to blow your nose with that ring through the middle?

9. Her father’s coming round to see us? Now?

10. Did you use a condom?

Can you think of any more? Let me know in the comments!

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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary E. Ulrich
February 25, 2011 at 6:42 am

Funny, but I never even thought about him having a mother.

Alison, these are great. You are witty and have a way with words. Hope this makes a hit.
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Alison Golden February 25, 2011 at 6:56 am

He must have, surely. That hair doesn’t go like that on its’ own. 🙂


Bibi February 25, 2011 at 10:28 am

These are great.

There are few I ask my teenage boy often, but I wish I wouldn’t have to?

Are you sure there is no dead animal in your room?

Why would you leave empty milk jug in a fridge and empty BOXES of crackers & granola bars in a pantry?

I have tons more, but I don’t think he would appreciate it,lol.
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Alison Golden February 25, 2011 at 10:52 am

Hi Bibi:

I’m glad it’s just not my boys, then. What is with that dead animal? How does that happen exactly. I have got on my hands and knees sniffing before now and mine aren’t eleven yet!

Thanks for stopping by! 🙂


February 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

Alison – these are great. Here are mine to add to the mix…..

You’re dealing what?
Your girlfriend has a tattoo where? And how exactly do you know what it looks like?
That better be saliva!

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Alison Golden February 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Beth, I think you’ve just taken these questions to a new level! 🙂


PaulsHealthBlog.com February 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

“You ate what?”

“Did you wash your hands before you cooked that?”

“What did you do to the neighbor’s dog/cat?”
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Alison Golden February 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I’m almost certain the answer to the second one would be a ‘No’ followed by a ‘Why?’

Thanks for stopping by, Paul!


Glynis Jolly
February 25, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Have one for you —
You when where with who?


Glynis Jolly
February 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Okay, I can’t spell. Shoot me.

You went where with who?


Alison Golden February 25, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I wouldn’t dream of shooting you Glynis. 🙂


I Thought I Knew Mama
February 25, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Funny post! My baby boy is 8 months old and I cringe at the thought of asking him any of these questions one day! 🙂

Visiting from 31dbbb 😉
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Alison Golden February 25, 2011 at 5:44 pm

This is no post for a mama of an 8 month-old baby boy to read! Definitely not. Much too horrific 🙂


Marcos February 26, 2011 at 10:13 am

I wish I would never be asked these questions!
Great post! lol!

Be part of everyday.words.revolution!
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Galit Breen
February 28, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Oh man, did you ever nail this one! Perfectly! Love. It!! XO
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Alison Golden April 6, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Thanks, Galit. Let’s hope we don’t have to ask out boys these questions, huh?


February 28, 2011 at 11:32 pm

I am so not looking forward to the teenage years. 😉
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Alison Golden April 6, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I have mixed feelings. I half am looking forward to it and half dreading it! Thanks for stopping by, Brenna.


Dead Cow Girl March 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

My older boys are 21, 23 and 25. They don’t know much about my life, but they knew enough that A.) they didn’t want to compete and B.) they knew if they did, I would be on to them in a New York Minute. Soo… they have actually been pretty amazingly .. good! THe questions I’ve had to ask were pretty typical of the ones you have to ask boys who live in the county and usually come with a LOT of head shaking. My two favorites?

Didn’t you think there might be a problem when you suddenly had a new elbow between your wrist and old elbow? (File under: Teenagers and dirt bikes)

Why did he think it would be a good idea to poop in the fire pit? From a ladder? And why did you take a ladder camping? ( File under: teenagers, drinking and camping)
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Alison Golden April 6, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Ouch! on the first one. The second one reminds me of the time I dated a rugby player and he showed me some photos from the locker room after a big game….Opened my eyes I can tell you.


Nicole Rivera
March 1, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Here’s a couple from growing up as older sister of a teenage boy:

You were playing that video game for HOW long?

Do you really think that much cologne is necessary for walking the dog? (there were lots of cute girls in the neighborhood)

And my favorite…
You took mom’s car WHERE? (to a 15 year old WITHOUT a license!!)

Great post!!
~Nicole 🙂
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Alison Golden April 6, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Ah yes, I can hear the panic in an older sister’s voice. I was one of those too. 🙂


Trey Crowe March 4, 2011 at 4:23 am

“How can you confuse the gas pedal with the brake pedal in a parking lot””

which leads to the question

“how do you hit a parked car?”

“You fell of the balcony upstairs cause you wanted to look at the wall underneath?”


Alison Golden March 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Somehow Trey, I feel you have some experience here….? 🙂


best tattoo removal March 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm

The one that scares me the most is
“what did you do with your baby brother and where did you leave him”
I’m hoping it’s a phase he will grow out of, but we’re into our six year of his phase.
I haven’t quite figured out yet whether it’s will power or determination of get us through.
Well thanks for the chuckle 🙂 this
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Alison Golden April 6, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Glad it made you smile. From my experience you need BOTH willpower and determination. Laws about not abandoning children help too. 😉


Wunathekidz! March 25, 2011 at 12:24 am

Here’s a general paraphrase of a series of questions my parents often harass me with when I come home after having a good time:
“You couldn’t call us to let us know where you were? Why are your eyes so red and squinty?”


Alison Golden April 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm

I used to get: ‘Why are you standing with your feet that far apart? Have you been drinking?’ so you are not the only one. 🙂


Lisa Taylor May 17, 2011 at 8:51 pm

LOL I have actually asked #’s 1 and 7 🙂
I have a “Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Say” somewhere on my blog – all totally true. I am amazed at the things I hear myself saying. You may appreciate my Teenage Old Farts post (with an impossibly long url – before I learned how to shorten them. I’m fairly new at this blogging business 😉
I’m so glad to have found your blog!
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Alison Golden May 17, 2011 at 9:48 pm

#1 and #7? Have you really? I rarely say things I never thought I’d say – I thought I’d say them all but I often become someone I don’t recognize. A wild-haired, eyes-bulging scary lady. It was much more often than it is now but it was like I suddenly became possessed.


Tina July 19, 2011 at 10:29 pm

When I was his age, my mom would punish me with those tatoo. Lucky Bieber


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